dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
