break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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