Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
