Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
