I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
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You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
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I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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