At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
