I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Randomize
