Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Randomize
