i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
