he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I AM VODKA MAN
My legs feel like baby dolphins
You're breaking my sexual little heart
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
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