Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
