We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Randomize
