I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Randomize
