Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
We have so much sex to catch up on
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Randomize
