If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
