The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
you never un-have a 4some
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
