okay pat passed out under dana's car
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Found the puke drawer
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
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