I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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