just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
