My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
