haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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