hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
