Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
