He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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