The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
