I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
You took a bar mat shot.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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