So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
