You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
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