Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
