I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
