walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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