come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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