Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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