Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Randomize
