My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
