after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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