You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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