Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
