i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
