How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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