I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
