eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
