We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
