I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Randomize
