I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
