What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
i think i scared a bird with my dick
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
