Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
