You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
