ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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