I'm an idiot
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.