A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
23 Times Kids Said the Harshest Things
As shirtless as possible
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
21 Rich People Confess The Best And Worst Things About Being Wealthy
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.