I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear