we have officially lost it.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
We need to rekindle our bromance
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
25 Times Terrible Advice Was Given To A Teenager
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine