In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.