My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
