is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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