Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
your room smells of hookers.
And success
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
