I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
