Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
no, he came in my armpit
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
