There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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