i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
