So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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