I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Randomize
