he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
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