You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
