There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
