we're chasing vodka with high fives
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
