I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
