I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
You left your phone here
Wait...
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
