His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I think i got beer on your cat.
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