Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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