Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
You took a bar mat shot.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
