In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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