Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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