I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
and she was petting her beer can
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
