Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
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