New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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