Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Randomize
