My Higher Power is John Stamos
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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