Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I have surprise drugs for everyone
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
