Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
