You can't motorboat a personality
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
